Tuesday, August 30, 2011

A valued amount of time

“Sometimes action takes a valued amount of time” is the advice I recently gave a young lady complaining about her man.  She said she didn’t want to hear what he could or would do.  A real woman values action and desires a man of action.   Pfffff… youth.

This provoked a thought or two in me, you see her man has been working on a new venture and has only been at it for a while.  Although not successful yet, he is doing well and moving forward, albeit slowly, nonetheless moving forward with heart and determination.  Now we all know that no one really knows what goes on in a relationship except the two in it and sometimes they don’t even know so I have no judgment.  I think all actions taken and time valued support during a lifetime results in a great life and when you look back, you smile or tear up.  Yes?

Bringing it back to me, I started my venture with less enthusiasm from friends and family then her man.  Support stories are everywhere.  From friends, in movies, within books and even through a beautiful song they can be found.  In my experience it doesn’t happen that way.  So I surge forward with this dream of mine and if I am lucky enough to do well then I will probably throw out a dimpled smile, pop a bottle of the bubbly and buy them all presents.   *sigh*

Where are you going with this Miss Ramble?  Awww…  Thanks for asking *smile*

I can’t say my Sweet significant was excited that my work contract ended and while searching for a job in this economy, I decide to begin a writing career from ground zero.  Nope. With very little enthusiasm he said “good luck with it Honey”.  Now it wasn’t the smile, hug, pat on the back with music playing in the background that I had imagined but it was what he could give me at the time. 

One day while we were at Costco buying his Droid (my current nemesis, will explain another time), I sauntered off to look at the laptops  (word is Santa’s bringing me one for Christmas).  What began as a quote to determine if I was comfortable with the keys and WordPad, a story erupted with each keystroke. Yep!  Right there in the store. By the time he found me thirty or so minutes later, the story had evolved.  When I saw Sweet coming, I killed off my main guy because I thought he was going to say let’s go and cried for the guy.  Sweet couldn’t believe it when I told him what I had done, then asked if he could read it to which my smiled reply was “of course”.  He loved it! He hugged me and told me how proud he was. Needless to say, I had to leave the story there on the demo laptop.  So he took pictures of each page with his new phone and I left it there.  I cried again.

So I am going to post it for all to read.  It is over a thousand words and is unedited so keep that in mind.  Please note the line when I saw Sweet coming to find me.  I abruptly killed the guy right after the paramedic was about to save him…. 

awwww  *tear*


When time stands still….

When time stands still it can feel like a lifetime.  That is what happened when Ronnie skid sideways on his Harley until the bike finally released him into a world of pain, agony and disbelief.  The bike continued to skid and then toppled over the embankment and down the gully until it came to a stop and folded around the redwood tree a quarter the way down.  Ronnie’s friends all came running after stopping and getting off their bikes to see if he was ok.

“Good thing he had his vest on!” screamed Toni as she came sliding to his side on her knees.  “Look at his arms! She cried.

Ronnie lay there on the asphalt along the Avenue of the Giants and his head was telling him he was in pain but his body felt nothing.  He looked around to the chaotic scene and voices hovering over him.  Jackson was screaming into the phone for an ambulance.  Calm, cool, collected Jackson screaming at the top of his lungs, cursing at the recipient on the other end of the call.  He hadn’t taken his helmet off yet.  Weird.  He always removes his helmet as he is swinging his leg off the bike. It is his “manly” disembarking ritual.  Can’t wait to give him shit about this he thought.  Is he on his knees?  Something is wrong.

Oh there’s Toni. Beautiful Toni, why is she crying?  She is such a tough bitch, that’s why I fell in love with her.  What are you saying honey?  I can’t understand you, it’s all so fuzzy.  Did you say bleeding?  Something is wrong. Wow, look at all of you standing here.  Where are the bikes?  Did we stop for a beer?  What are we waiting for??  Let’s get that beer and then ride!!

“What did they say Jackson?”  Clyde asked as he finished giving everyone else in the club orders.  Clyde was the self imposed leader of the RoadRiders, when tragedy occurred he was the guy in charge.  Boxx and Kelly were directing traffic around the accident area.  Butch and Greg were down further telling the other bikers and vehicle traffic to slow down.  Bruce, Guy and Scott were moving all the bikes out of the middle of the road to make way for the emergency vehicles when they get here.

“They said five minutes, how is he?”

“He’s ok, aren’t you buddy”  Clyde looked over at Ronnie.  “Toni’s with him.  What the hell happened?  Who was behind him?”

“I think Bruce was behind him but you know Ronnie, he was probably showing off the new Softail.  What an ass, good thing Toni was on Marley’s bike.  Did someone get a look at it?”  Jackson was on the edge of tears but he wouldn’t cry.  The most emotion he was going to show was the lump forming in his throat.

‘Ya, I got a real good look at it.  It’s about a quarter of a mile down the gully wrapped around a redwood tree.”  Clyde started shaking his head.  “Damn kid!  What was he thinking?”

Bruce came back up to Clyde and updated him on all the bikes as Marley walked up and told him she was going to sit with Toni.

“It doesn’t look good does it?”  She asked.  Marley was a tough old bird and had been with Clyde for decades.  He had asked her to marry him time and time again, but she always replied been there done that, why change what we have?  Clyde loved her so and was worried about them getting up in age.  How could either of them be without the other?

“No my love it ain’t looking good Atal” he replied with his thick Texan accent.  ‘I hear them sirens a comin’ so get everyone back.  Hey Boxx ‘n Kel, tell them sum a bitches to slow down!”  the ‘mergency crew is comin!”

The paramedics jumped out of their truck and one ran to Ronnie lying there on the ground while the other opened up the back of the truck and grabbed the equipment then came running to his partner’s side.

Ronnie could now see two strange faces leaning over him and they were speaking but he couldn’t hear them.  What are they saying?  Hey there’s Marley trying to help Toni up.  What’s wrong with her, why can’t she stand.  Marley.  She had always been like a mom to him.  Thank you for introducing Toni to me.  I love her so much.  Sorry I argued with you about the ride today.  Thanks for making Toni ride with you, oh man you know me so well.

The paramedics began working on him right away, they were pulling injectibles out of their cases, ripping gauze packs with their teeth.  They were so intense and calling for back up on their shoulder mics.  Hey dude, get off my chest.  You’re too heavy?  Take your hands off my chest man!   Wait, I can’t feel anything.  He looks like he is pushing on me pretty hard but I can’t feel anything.  Something is wrong.

“Everyone is going to need to move back!” Paramedic one was screaming.  “The ambulance going to need to get in here.  This is a two lane road and we have no room to work on your friend.”  Just then the mini screen within the equipment case began to beep and the line went flat.

Ronnie was now looking down at the whole scene and the reality was now sinking in.  Is that me?  He could see them all around the body working and working, then one stood up and shook his head.  Did I die?  Am I dead?

“Noooooooo!!” Toni cried as she tried to fight Marley from holding her.  “Ronnie don’t leave me.  I love you, I love you!  Oh my god, pleeeeeese”  She broke free and ran to his side and grabbed Ronnie’s hand while on her knees rocking back and forth.  “Whyyyyy??!  I told you to be careful.  Don’t leave me honey, I need you!!!”

Ronnie was right next to her and his body.

“I am so sorry baby, I should have listened.  But your going to be ok, I can feel it and I’ll watch for you.  I promise, Ok Babe?”  Ronnie was standing over her talking to her.  “Please don’t cry, I’m not in any pain.  I actually feel better than I have in years.  Please be happy for me.  I wish you could feel what I am feeling right now.  Love, Peace and the most beautiful…  I can’t describe it to you.  I have to go now my love.

I love you….

Monday, August 29, 2011

A letter to my children

First Born, Middle Kid and Youngest,

I want to start by saying how much I love you and have always loved you.  Unfortunately, this has always been misunderstood and defined by many other people other than us.  The four of us are a family untied and now I want to write this to you all so you can have me to yourselves and I to you all.

First Born~

My beautiful boy and first born.  You are my greatest joy!  You are the most handsome, the most caring and the least understood.  I have thought about you everyday of my life and on some days smiled at your success, laughed at your stories of trials and tribulations and cried my heart and soul out of my existence for your love.  Not just the love I had hoped would return between us, but for the love of a woman that would understand you completely and let you be you.  Appreciate you for all that you are.  Caring, loving, funny, bull headed, sad, smart and beautiful inside and out.  Let go son. Give up the wall a little at a time so she can see you.  I want only good things for you and I pray that all the hard work you have accomplished thus far pays off.  I know you in my heart and I know you believe that you fail, but you haven’t.  You have succeeded three fold where many, many have failed.  I love you…

Middle Kid~

My spoiled and beautiful baby girl.  You and I have lived such a great life and shared so many stories, memories and comical eruptions of life.  You are the strongest of the whole family and the one with the most common sense.  I am so happy that you have found love and get to experience the camaraderie that you deserve.  I can’t wait to meet your child because I know the baby will be the greatest extension of you.  Please be sure to wipe away the scowl you often show the world and deny with an exasperated vengeance.  Your smile lights up a room and the growl that builds to a giggle is the greatest experience any one person can experience.  Please share this with the world.  I want you to remember that patience is not only a virtue, but also a defined quality that not many people have and most are not born with.  Those people must learn it and sometimes to no avail.  Love, laugh, giggle and work hard for the life you want as I know you are capable of my baby girl.  You are loved!

Youngest ~

Oh my Sweetboy!   You are my one true lovey boy.  I missed most of your childhood and as a penance, do not have some memories of you that I would love to cover me like a warm blanket and I am truly sorry for that not for myself but for you.  I let stupidity, vengeance, my arrogance and jealousy take that from us.  I do cherish the memories I do have, toddler years, kindergarten, your high school years, your entrance into adult hood and your adventurous soul looking for your calling.  To this I want you to know I am so proud!  You can accomplish anything my son because you were put here on this earth for a very special reason that will be revealed to you in small bits throughout your life.  I think you have already realized this and have begun the god planned journey you were intended to walk.  I do cringe with some of the habits you have picked up on this journey, but do not intend to caution you with change.  Please remember all the respect, manners, rules and love that you were raised with and you will be fine.  The habits you will hopefully outgrow and they have been picked up and released for experience’s sake.  I just want you to know that you are appreciated and I am so glad that you have someone that fits the bill of someone any mother would be proud to share her son with.  I love you with all my heart!

Remember one thing my loves, I am and will always be your Mother, Mommy, Ma and one true champion of all your dreams, hopes and loves.


Sunday, August 28, 2011

Just a Sunday post

“I don’t know what your generation’s fascination is with documenting your every thought…  but I can assure you, they’re not all diamonds.  “Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station.  Raise the roof.”  Who gives a rat’s ass?”   Mr. Griffith from Easy A.

I watched that movie last night for the fifteenth time and just love that quote.  Probably because it is so true!  With that, according to one of my classes, it was recommended for new writers to start a facebook page and/or twitter account as well as this blog.  This is for the purpose to get out there and broadcast, ya know to dive right in. (picture college try arm pump) Yep,  26 friends on facebook and 11 followers on twitter, Yayyyy!  This makes me so happy because I kept thinking “Who is going to care?”

I totally get social media now and the only problem is that of a building addiction.  Can I just say hmmmm?   Yep, I check it now as I would my email account or text, which it now appears, is very “old school”.  I get to keep up with my kids, my cousins, my friends and I am still surprised when I get a friend request.  On the reverse, I feel hurt when someone declines or ignores my friend request even though I totally understand.  Friend, acquaintance, cordial meeting, previous in law, etc.  You still have to be careful who you let in your life’s private matters.  Although it is social media instead of social meeting, it still stings the same as when you tried to befriend someone face to face. 

I remember when Sunday’s were for family get togethers!  Football and food spreads in the fall, family dinners in the winter, backyard picnics in the spring and lastly potlucks and bbq’s near the pool in the summer.  All my kids friends would come to our house and hang out so the house was always full.  Now my ex husband and I are divorced and his kids have forgotten me and the 15 years I was their step mom, my first-born is a father of two and going through a divorce with bitter custody, my middle kid is happily awaiting her first child with her fab man and my youngest has most excitedly relocated to the LA area to live his dream as an actor.  I am so excited because they were such good kids and now I get to watch them become Great men and women!

Now Sundays for me are a nice home cooked meal with my Sweet significant, a good bottle of wine, great conversation or whatever we want if we aren’t traveling.  Most importantly, love!  Unless it is a family gathering, a holiday, a quick phone call or text, I now follow my kids, friends and family on facebook.  Never would I have thought this is how I would now be connected to my friends and family.  The other day I had lunch with a friend that I have known since jr. high school and she was up to date with my kids and me through the facebook.  Not a bad thing, but still kind of crazy.

So for my babies that are living their lives and are having their own Sundays, I am going to try and post a story from one of the kid’s childhood on Sundays.  Enjoy and hope your Sunday is great!


Middle Kid, age 9~

The school principal calls telling me that I need to come to the school because Middle Kid was in her office.  I get to the school and am ushered into the principal’s office where my baby girl is sitting on one of the chairs in her office.  Mrs. Principal asks me to sit and proceeds to tell me that my delicate flower of spring has been in a fight.

What? Why?

“I think that Middle Kid should explain it to you and I just want to let you know the other child was suspended today and tomorrow, but MK will only be suspended for the rest of the day.”  Mrs. P says smiling.  I note the smile and glance at MK who is sitting there arms folded and staring straight ahead with an agitated look on her face.  Her long hair is tangled and I see a slight smudge on her cheek.  I ask Mrs. P if we can leave and she nods then gives MK a see you tomorrow wave.  School is about to get out, so we wait in the car for the boys.  Once everyone is loaded in and we are on our way, I ask MK what happened.

“Mom!”  She says still irritated. “I am sorry but I just had to beat the crap out of him! Nobody talks to me like that”

“What did he say?” I ask stunned.

“He called me a hoe!” she says with a growl.

“WHAT!!!”  I say as the boys lean forward from the backseat echoing my sentiment.

“Iiii knooooww,” she says with attitude. “That’s why I jumped him, cuz nobody calls me a gardening utensil!  I am not dirty!”

Out of the mouths of babes….

Friday, August 26, 2011

My Safe Harbor

Ooookaaayyy..  so I haven’t been a very good blogger so far.  (I feel like I just called in sick to a new job.  Sheessh!)  But truly *eyelash flitter* my sweet significant had an appendicitis attack and on the quite excellent advice of moi, he called the advice nurse.  Which lead to a trip to urgent care to be checked out.  He said it was probably nothing so I stayed home with our new puppy. 

Anyhoo..  he called a while later and said they were keeping him overnight so I was to be at the hospital at 7 in the morning.  Yikes right?  No worries, he had excellent care and was home the same day as the surgery.  So I have been taking care of him since then and now I think we are on each other’s nerves.  He’s a terrible patient.  *Smile*

Soooo, back to me!  I am the person that just dives right into an idea and goes for it, and then tends to not follow through to completion.  My daughter likens it to the dog in the movie Up that distractedly yells “Squirrel”.  Hmmmm,  me thinks no bueno, but if I am being honest, I think it has to do with fear.  Plain and simple.

With that said, My post today is titled Safe Harbor because writing is what I have wanted to do since I was a little girl, so I am taking it slow as I will be a writer one day!  I have been taking writing classes, I also bought a few workbooks to help me out with getting my voice back.  It has been much harder than I thought it was going to be because what kind of person loses their voice?  Sadly, I found that I did and didn't know it. 

Getting it back has begun an adventure that I am both excited about and scared to death.  I have been forced to look at the people in my life, thoughts in my head, my surroundings and a few memories that I had once lived by and now turns out they were actually wrong.  I found a great workbook “The Freelance Writer’s Bible” written by David Trottier and one of the first exercises was to set the writer within me free by writing about an imaginary place that is completely serene where I would like to be. 

Freewriting….  It was so fun and amazing!  I wrote, wrote, wrote and felt free as I imagined this place. I heard the water, felt the breeze, smelled the flowers and let the atmosphere envelop me.  

huh?  Oh yaaaa..  (she says with glazed eyes)

So fearfully, I have decided to throw my safe harbor out to you all.  Remember this was a freewrite exercise and it’s not edited.  Please enjoy and if you make it to the end, leave a stylist a comment….


My Safe Harbor~

The house is yellow with white shutters and a wrap around porch I call a veranda.  It sits on five acres of green grass loaded with green foliage, palm trees large and small. Oleanders surround the outer perimeter for privacy where a community of birds hang out and sing their songs of longing, love and freedom.  Planted yellow and white daisies, purple iris, multi colored impatiens sit in their chosen flowerbeds accentuating my mood whenever I walk outside.  The soft white sandy beach sits just twenty feet from my oversized front door and when I wake to the sound of the birds, the next sound I hear is the water rushing to flood the beach for as far as it can travel, then back into the deep blue as it should be.  Standing on the slatted wooden walkway that divides the wet grass from the pebbled sand and leads directly to the beach, I can turn in all directions and see beauty from every side for miles.  Forward I look at my house and see the teal painted Adirondack chairs cracking from wear and age that I love and the small beverage table separating them sitting under the living rooms plate glass window.  On the other side of the stairs that divide the porch are my terracotta, ceramic and wooden planters holding winding ivy, palm plants blowing in the breeze planted with love and the old oak rocker found at the flea market in town.  My outdoor dining table otherwise known as a picnic table sits on the green grass that engulfs the fruit trees and wraps around the house just past the three large palm trees born to this land before residing became a notion.  This is where I sit and write when not hosting friends for food, cocktails or a late night bottle of wine as we sit wrapped in summer blankets and laugh while reliving old memories told over and over.  I turn to my left and right to see the tall line of palm and thatch trees surrounded and entwined by unnamed living plant growth giving the most beautiful view for miles, I then turn completely around and look out onto the clear most beautiful blue green water which continuously takes my breath away.  I stand at the end of the walkway and lift my face to the warming sun and heavens letting the breeze caress my face and whip around strips of hair that have escaped my haphazard pony tail.  I turn back around to walk up to the house and my dogs excitedly run to greet me with happy devotion in their eyes.  This is where I am safe, where I work and where I love~

Thursday, August 11, 2011

With a love for writing...

Welcome Friends!!

I am so excited to start this blog as I have searched the blogosphere to prepare for this. I read many blogs and the one thing I realized is that everyone has something to say which lead me to my favorites!
With this blog my hope is to find my writing voice. I hope you enjoy the journey I am on and have a giggle along the way. My excitement comes from my love for writing because I feel like I am being let loose as a kindergartener on the big kid playground!! 

Thanks so much and off we go~